This is one of those moments when you actually think this can’t be happening. No way. I’m in a movie or a nightmare. This isn’t real life. But as you have to turn around to the officer so he can put those handcuffs on you, you realize this is real. You really are about to go to jail for the first time. And it’s not for a criminal offense, it’s because you ex wife wanted to prove her own hateful point. No other father- that I saw- went to jail that day. All the other ex-wives didn’t want to put their children’s father through that.
But mine did.
I look over at her and I’ll never forget the expression on her face. There were tears in her eyes but she had a smirk on her face. I could tell she was very afraid of what she had done. She had some fear for me of where I was about to go and what major blow she had caused. But there was also pleasure she was feeling. That smile said a thousand words. She won. They really ARE incarcerating me. Mission accomplished. It was the most telling her face had ever been. She was battling within herself both of these emotions, and it was a war that nobody was winning.
I have to assume that once a father owes a riudiculous amount of child support, the courts don’t have the patience. I already told you about fathers who owed more than me that I saw that day. Those men will go to jail- generating a warrant that will send them there eventually, or at least get their license suspended or wages garnished. But please don’t believe the lie that judges send every father who owes to the clink. So here’s the truth: Mothers can send a message. They have the authority to send fathers to jail. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. I’m not sure if my ex told the clerk jail was an option for me before we saw the judge or not, but she could have prevented it and chose not to.
But let me speak on a few things. I would not write these chapters about my divorce if they weren’t factual and true. I want my readers and listeners to know the TRUTH, and all the mistakes made by myself and others. Bad or good- we all make our decisions and deal with them. To fabricate this subject would be terrible and stupid! I will never do that. For all I know, my ex and my children are reading these chapters. I have to make damn sure every detail is accurate, or else you will see me writing later about more court proceedings about perjury, lying, and defamation! But if you tell the truth, no one can come after you. Anyone can go to my local court office and see I went to jail around 2011. Now if all this makes her look bad…well, sometimes the truth hurts. I was not a faithful husband to her. I’ve stated that in previous chapters. That truth hurts. I’m not hiding behind it or going to lie about it. It’s a burden I have to carry my whole life. Even with my sweet Angela I’ve done some very stupid things I will tell you about. We are all human and we all make mistakes. So again- when it comes to talking about divorce- I’m not going to lie or make up stories.
Another truth is I am not angry at my ex anymore. I certainly was this day and for so many years, but I have moved on, forgiven her, and have a great life. My wife now (Angela) is beautiful and amazing. We built a house together and travel all over North America. My step kids love me and I love them. I’m able to write and podcast and do all the things I’m passionate about as a career. Why? Because I put all this terrible past behind me. Negativity breeds negativity, and I know I wouldn’t have this life if I was alone and still angry. I don’t have to be friends with my ex. I can bless her, wish her the best, and keep steppin’. But I am EXTREMELY disappointed in her because a) I believe she is denial this day even happened and b) this leads me to believe she has been hiding, misleading, and denying her other wrongdoings, and my kids and others around her have no clue about them. This is more reason to tell the truth. I feel moved by the universe to write and speak the truth because if I didn’t then it would just be like a bubble that blows away until it pops and disappears. Then the truth is forgotten like a bubble. Only those close to me know what really happened. I bet my kids don’t know why or even if I went to jail that day. No one else did in that courtroom either. I bet they were all shocked and confused. I have friends who don’t know these stories. And I have fathers who read and listen to these chapters whose own stories were in “bubbles” that disappeared and now have the courage to speak out and tell their truths. It sets you FREE.
I pray that Ms. Porter can accept the truth and come to terms with her mistakes as I have. It’s like Donald Trump and his tax returns. If he was paying his taxes and telling the truth to the IRS, then he would have no problem showing the country his income. But because he lied and manipulated his tax forms, he wants to hide the truth and avoid showing them to us. Well, I want to show the world my tax returns. I want to show everyone my mistakes. And if by doing so it exposes other people’s mistakes, well eventually neither of us can hide from the truth, now can we?
I’m actually hoping for an email or a phone call from my ex one day that says, “I’m sorry I put you in jail.” Or maybe some remorseful thoughts about how she treated me after divorce and manipulated keeping my kids from me- and tarnish the bond we had- as often as she could. Putting me in jail purposely damages any relationship I had with my children and rips them from me- even if it’s for a short time.
How hard can it be to say these words? “I was a scorned, angry ex wife back then and my decisions weren’t right. I really want to make up for my past, tell the kids everything I did that I’ve been hiding, and help to mend the relationships you have with our children. You made some mistakes too that hurt our children also after the divorce, Stouten, but I understand now you were lashing out at the mean things that I did. I was mad, but you are not a man who belongs in jail. I’m sorry.”
After almost 14 years, I’ve received nothing like that. All I’ve received are accusations that I’m not telling the true story and that she has never done anything wrong. I’m sorry for all the anger and stupid things I did to her after the divorce. She was obviously out to hurt and destroys me, and I didn’t know what else to do but be angry. Many men can just take all the lashes and scorn, and deal with it. I could not.
I really do hope one day we can be friends. We can both read all these chapters and laugh and say how stupid we were back then. And our kids can forgive us, we can look at old pictures together, and share Christmases and holidays. But not if she is in denial of the truth and her actions. I really want to see Mr. Trump confess to his wrongdoings. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?
“I was wrong. I didn’t pay my taxes America. I’m sorry.”
If Mr. Trump and my ex said something like that, I would hug them both, ask them not to do it again, and start a new friendship. For real.
But maybe they truly believe they never did anything wrong. I know Trump thinks he’s infallible and that everyone is out to make him look bad. I wonder if my ex feels the same way?
Well let me get off my soapbox. I will definitely return to this terrible day and how long I was in jail, but let’s return back to the fun part of the story.
But the reality is: It still wasn’t the worst day of my life.