“Ms. Porter,” the judge asks, “Do you have anything to say?”
I look over at my ex and I see the emotions and tears starting. I don’t know if they are real or fake, but I’m thinking to myself: “Why is she crying? I’m the one “on trial” here!”
Regardless, she starts in, sniffling and wiping away her tears.
“I’m just tired of coming here, your honor,” she says. “He’s always behind every month, he still owes me on a credit card he promised to pay. He said he would refinance the house he has to pay me but still never has. I am a single mom now struggling to pay the bills. It’s just so hard.”
More tears and crying and sniffling.
The judge turns to me now. “Why have you not been able to refinance your house, Mr. Porter?”
“The home is in no condition to refinance, your honor,” I respond. “It still needs a lot of repairs. And I need to improve my credit as it has suffered after the divorce.”
Now this is all true. When I was married to my ex we bought this home as an investment property that was very cheap, but in shambles. It was an old cottage that had been vacant for years. We started working on it and then the separation happened. So we agreed she would keep the primary home and I would inherit the cottage.
But here is where I made one of my first divorce mistakes. I agreed to pay off her credit card when I could refinance the property and was stupid enough to put it in our divorce decree. At the time, I was trying to be the nice, soon-to-be ex-husband. I didn’t have to agree to that. I could have told her no, I am not paying that credit card off. It’s in her name and she put all those home improvement expenses ( to the tune of over $15,000), so that’s her problem. This was all spent on the cottage, but I still had to put much more than that into making the home livable. But no- I decided to be the nice guy and say I would take care of it. I told her she would have to wait until I could finish the home and improve my credit score. You can’t refinance a barely unlivable home with mediocre credit. At the time she said no problem. She’ll just pay the minimum due until I could take care of the credit card. You will soon learn this was a terrible mistake on my part. She will use this nice gesture to lead to that “Worst Day Ever” that I keep referring to. Sometimes it does not pay to be nice in divorce. Unless you are 100% sure your ex will be nice and patient in return. Mine was not.
So the house didn’t have walls in places, the bathroom and kitchen was unfinished, no carpet, there were wires hanging out of electrical outlets- it was a mess. I actually lived there for a while while fixing up what I could. I would have the kids there and the three of us would sleep on one futon. I didn’t have a stove so everything we ate was by a microwave or toaster. I was so happy to finish the tub eventually so that my kids could take a bath. But then I met my sweet Angela and we decided that I could move in with her, and I found someone who would do a land contract on the home and promised to finish the construction and hopefully get a mortgage on it once it was completed. Then I could take those proceeds and pay my ex’s stupid credit card off.
“He has a renter in it now, your honor,” my ex says. “He’s collecting rent and I don’t think he has any plans to refinance and pay me any time soon.”
“Well that is a whole other matter, Mr. and Ms. Porter,” the judge says. “I suggest you both get an attorney to resolve that issue. But the matter at hand is the $1100 you owe in child support right now. Can you take care of this today, Mr. Porter?”
Before I tell you my answer, I feel compelled to say some things. I want to remind my readers and listeners that I saw many fathers who went before me who owed much more than I did. From talking to many fathers over the years, $1100 is really not that much. In later chapters, I will tell you about my owing up to $7000 in child support at one point. I am not proud to admit that. Paying child support became a low priority to me. I still saw my kids and took care of them when they were with me. I made sure they got their birthday and Christmas gifts. But I was still getting put through the proverbial ringer by my ex for years and years. She wouldn’t let me see my kids for extra time. “It’s not your weekend or parenting time” was a phrase so often used by her. But when she took trips or needed me to watch them during her “parenting time”, that was the only time I got extra time with them. I never got to see them for holidays. She would prevent them from taking trips with us as often as she could. She would never bring the kids to me. I always had to pick them up and drop them off. I was able to figure out a half way meeting place, but that was like pulling teeth. And there were so many other things where she would use the kids to hurt me. So I was just mad. I’d rather put money, clothes, trips and gifts directly into my children’s hands. But please don’t take this route, fathers. Strangely enough I never went to jail when I owed so much. I have my guesses as to why I wasn’t “incarcerated”- which we will discuss later. But do not neglect child support as I did those years. If your ex does all those things I mentioned to hurt you and your childrens’ relationship with you, get an attorney and fight back. If you can’t afford one, see if a court-appointed attorney can help. But don’t be stubborn like me and get extremely far behind in support. It never goes away and it takes enormous effort to pay it all back.
“No I can’t, your honor,” I tell him.
“Well then I am going to have to sentence you to jail until you or someone you know can come up with $1000 plus court costs. Bailiff please take Mr. Porter away. Good luck.”