She is not going to stop calling me.
My ex-wife has already called me 5 times and we aren’t even out of the city. She left a message the first time. She wanted to know the exact address and phone number of where we were taking the kids for spring break. I already told her twice: it’s a timeshare and we won’t know the exact address until we get to the management office in the Poconos, but of course that isn’t good enough. You don’t continue to blow up the phone of the father of your kids for that silly reason unless a) you really believe I’m going to kidnap the kids, b) you’re mad we are going to the Poconos and didn’t invite you, c) you want to give yourself some weird sense of scorned ex control, d) you may have lost your damn mind, or e) all of the above. Not sure which is the right answer? Let me give you a hint. She won’t stop calling and now she is not leaving a message. I painfully watch the phone vibrate and find a brief, temporary solace when the call goes to voicemail. Please just leave another voicemail so I don’t have to talk to you. Please.
I look over at the most beautiful woman I have ever known. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have her in my life. Her name is Angela and I fell in love with her from day one. Most men think twice about getting engaged for a second time. They wouldn’t think twice if they met my Angela. Now those men don’t get the chance. Nana nana boo boo. She’s all mine. I promise I will go into great descriptive detail of this blessed woman , but allow me to continue with my story first.
Angela is feverishly trying to figure out how to get all of our luggage and the rest of the travel crap in or on top of this Ford Flex rental car. Yes, I did say on top. No offense to the Ford SUV, but when you have 4 kids and 2 adults, this vehicle only has room for about 2.5 suitcases. We have about 10 suitcases. So here Angela and I are strapping the rest of the luggage to the roof of the car with bungee cords and blue tarps. It looks like a hot mess. We are beyond frustrated at this point. It was the last SUV at the rental place. Here’s a spring break hint: reserve everything early. So because we didn’t do that, we got the SUV with less room. Bungee cords and tarps. Beyond frustrated. And to add insult to injury, my ex has decided to go on her rampage of terror and destruction. She’s like a hurricane at times. You don’t know where it comes from. Sometimes you don’t even see it until it is upon you, raining down hard with blistering winds. When it comes it tries very hard to destroy everything. And I mean everything.
Rain clouds provide nutrients and water that lead to the growth of our plants and trees. In a sense, the rain and the clouds are the parents of plants and trees because they created them. They can also be vicious like hurricanes, and those same life-giving parents can drown and devastate their children.
That’s what it feels like when my phone won’t stop ringing. The hurricane is here. The winds have picked up. The rain is coming down harder now. Board up your houses.
“She is STILL calling?” Angela asks almost throwing a curse word in there as she tosses a bungee cord across the top of the truck over to me.
“Yup,” I say as I throw one end of the bungee cord back over to her.
“But you told her you would call her with the address when we get there right?”
“Yup.”
“And that wasn’t good enough?”
“Nope.”
Wait a minute. The ringing has stopped. Could she really have given up? Was the storm just a small one passing by? I wait a few more minutes to make sure this is not a dream. Then I hear my 13-year old daughter’s phone ring. I’ll give you one guess who that is.
So the storm is raging after all. That was a dream. Hurricane X is getting ready to hurt everything in its path “with no regard for human life.” (Kevin Harlan, 2015)
Board up your houses. Brace yourself.