Ok so let’s jump back to whether my ex or the Po Po are calling me.
Just typing or saying that sounds ridiculous. Am I really breaking the law? No. Does what I’m doing really warrant calling the police? I don’t think so. Can they really arrest me for not knowing the exact address of where I’m taking my own children for spring break? Possibly, because I’m Black. In this moment, I am really asking these stupid questions in my brain as I watch the phone vibrate. And I continue to watch it until it stops. I have no desire to pick up that call.
Hopefully, if it is “ five-O”, they will leave a message:
“Yes, Mr. Porter, this is the Grand Rapids Police Department. We aren’t really sure why we are calling. Instead of going after all the murderers, child molesters, and rapists out there, we are calling you for a really dumb reason. Please call us back.”
Unfortunately, I wasn’t that lucky.
Haley’s phone rings again. I’m sure by now you can guess who that is. Keep into account that we are going on at least 8-10 phone calls from her by now. In the span of about 15 minutes.
I look over at my daughter. It’s pretty amazing how resilient and semi-naive children can be. With my hug after her mom’s last phone call, along with the excitement of the trip and the distraction of 3 other siblings, Haley has practically forgotten about how upset her mother had made her just moments ago. As difficult as divorce can be, children “seem” to move on quickly when drama happens. I put the “seem” in quotes because we really don’t know as parents what’s really going on inside them. Or what future damage we are causing them when they become teenagers and adults. But in the moment- maybe because they have the attention span of a dog in a squirrel farm- they can compartmentalize and move on. For the moment. Adults can learn a lot from children.
But as she picked up the call and continues to listen to her mom, I watch her face go from a spring break smile to a deep fear. Then panic. Then crocodile tears.
“She’s really going to call the police on you Dad!”, she screams. “Just give her the address please! Please!”
Trembling again, she hands me her phone.
Unfortunately, now everyone knows about the police. So I’m hit with a barrage of comments:
“The police?”
“What?”
“Stouten is going to jail?”
“What the ——?”
Secondly, and I’m not going to lie….I do have some worry and fear coursing through my veins. I have no idea why but my ex has succeeded in instilling unnecessary fear into everyone, and single-handedly ruining this trip before it starts. Why? We will never know, my precious readers and listeners.
I take a deep breath. With 5 pairs of eyeballs on me, I try and think of something witty and calming to say.
“Hello?” Is the only word that comes out. Not witty or calming at all.
“Where are you right now?”, she says. “I need to tell the police where you are.”
“Oh? So you called the cops already?” This is the second stupid, non-witty, non-calming thing I said and now everyone is gasping in more fear. Way to go, Stouten.
“No but I am about to. And I’m sure they need to know where you are. Are you at the rental car place?”
“Look. Don’t call the damn police. This is crazy. Why—.” Angela stops me and grabs my arm.
“Tell her you will call her back in 5 minutes,” she whispers to me. “I have an idea.”
“I’ll call you back in 5,” I say to the phone.
“You don’t have 5 minutes, Mr. Porter, I have been more than—“
I hang up on her. Her voice, her tone, and the storm she has now created has brought me to my boiling point. I sure hope my soulmate has one hell of an idea.