I wish my 13-year old daughter forgot her phone at home. Instead, she’s talking to her mother and not winning the fight against her tears.
“I don’t know mom!”, I hear her cry. “He said he would have an address when we get there!” Pause. “Well I don’t know what to do!” Pause. Sniffle. “I don’t know mom!” Another pause. Trembling, she sticks her arm and phone out the vehicle’s window. “She wants to talk to you Dad.”
My first emotion is sadness for my daughter. Her mother has just put her in the middle of a poopstorm that she does not deserve to be in. You- as my precious reader- will definitely see scenarios where I drag my children into a storm of poop, and I am not proud of any of it and I want to publicly apologize to them for doing so. I have apologized to them many times but I just want to do it again here because it makes me feel better. Parents should NEVER involve their kids in their arguments and stupid behavior. It’s rarely ever their fault, and all that does is a) use them as pawns to fulfill your terrible crusade of anger, and b) cause them unnessary emotional turmoil that could do serious mental damage to them depending on the severity of the circumstance. So please- keep your children out of your marital- and especially- divorce stupidity. I understand there may be times where your kids need to see the truth about their other parent. Lies are the devil’s language. And if one parent is telling untruths about the other to their kids, the other parent is naturally going to want to tell their kids the real truth. But even then, children’s brains are so clouded with so many thoughts, opinions, and perspectives, they sometimes don’t even know the truth if they were slapped in the face with it. But they will figure it out eventually. I repeat: keep the kids in a happy place, not in your fights. They deserve happiness. Not foolishness.
But this isn’t a situation of truth and lies. I want to be as objective and as open as I can be throughout this story. As I’ve said before, I’ve made many mistakes, and said and done some really stupid things. So to be impartial, let’s ask the question: Is it really necessary to blow my phone and my daughter’s phone up over all this? I ask this to all mothers out there. Help me. Is all this drama and anxiety truly necessary? Is this what you would do? Is knowing your children are with the 2nd safest person in their world not enough? Can you possibly wait about 14 hours until we can give you a precise location versus putting us all through this hurricane? Why do you really have to make such a scene over an address? Seriously. For what? I’m going to let those “objective” questions linger in the windy, torrential air and continue on.
Now if I never gave my ex an address when I got there and avoided her calls, that would be wrong. I would never do that, but if I did, I would deserve to have my phone blown up with calls. I have no history of kidnapping nor mental instability. I am smart enough to know that kidnapping is a very serious offense and no one gets away with not serving jail time for it. I don’t like jail. I’ve been there and I’ll tell you all about it. Not fun. We have taken all the kids on other trips to other states and amusement parks and we never had this issue. My daughter has a cell phone and she will answer her mother’s call. There is no reason for this in my opinion. But again, it’s only my opinion.
But- here in this moment- I am not very objective as I put the phone to my ear. I’m so mad at this point I don’t know what to do. But I do know I have to take this call and squash this quickly. I’ve got tarps and luggage to tie down, and a daughter to console.
“What are you doing?” Is the first thing that comes out of my mouth.
“What do you mean what am I doing?”, my ex asks. “I need an address of where you are taking my kids.”
“I told you more than once we won’t have an exact address until we get to the management office. I’m so confused. Why do you need an address so badly right now?”
“I need to know where my kids will be, Stouten Porter.” She is now addressing me with my full name. “Just in case something happens. You are taking my kids farther than you ever have before. I don’t know what your plans are with them.”
“My plans? My plan is for us to have fun in the Poconos. What are you insinuating? That I’m going to kidnap my own children?”
“I need an address, Stouten.”
“You’ll have it when we arrive.”
“That is not acceptable. I will call the police if I have to.”
I hang up on her. You have got to be kidding me. Obviously the answer to the multiple choice question in the last chapter is d) she has lost her damn mind. (Of course, that is my biased answer. You can choose whichever answer you prefer. Again, this is a moment when I am not objective and fair.) Go ahead and call the police. You want to battle? Let’s battle.
As I hand my daughter Haley’s phone back to her, I hug her and tell her it will all be alright. But in the back of my mind, I know her mom is very capable of calling the police and throwing a huge wrench into this once happy family trip that hasn’t even started yet.
As much as I wish this storm was over, I know-deep down- it’s not.
About seven precious minutes go by and then my phone rings again. It’s either a) Hurricane X or b) the police. This time you have a 50% chance of choosing the righ answer. But let me be clear. Both answers suck.